The Heretic's Guide to Working with Kids: Installment #1

"The Heretic's Guide to Working with Kids" is a curious blend of wisdom, stories and advice garnered from over 25 years of working with kids. At least once a week and maybe more if I get more requests I will be publishing the foundational piece of my blog: "Loud Fart no Remorse: The Heretic's Guide to Working with Kids. I plan on putting it out there in about the same size bite that the average busy American can read.

 LOUD FART NO REMORSE
THE HERETIC'S GUIDE TO WORKING WITH KIDS
 INTRODUCTION
The principal sat before his stack of referrals trying to suppress a belly laugh. At the top of the stack sat a referral which said simply “loud fart no remorse.” The teacher recommended one half hour detention for this crime. It seems the teacher had warned the student several times about this offense and what bothered the teacher most of all was that this particular student did not seem to take him seriously or to even grasp the gravity of his olfactory offense.
I attended this student principal interaction because the offender was one of “my kids.” He was not my kid in the biological sense but he did frequently attend my counseling groups. Consequently he became one of that group of lost souls in the system who came under my care. The kids who came my way are often the brightest and most creative of the lot and accordingly give the system the biggest headaches. They question authority frequently, skip school, smoke cigarettes, text message during lectures and are often tardy. Generally they're just trying to survive a system which often baffles them: a system that discarded them long ago.
The teacher's response reminded me of my first job out of college. Straight out of teacher school I landed a job at Secret Harbor, one of the last of the old style reform schools. Because I had a teaching certificate I was asked to sub at the school. On my first day I met Jessie, a young man not much younger than I who was to become my first mentor. In his field of being a professional conduct disorder diagnosed miscreant Jessie was a master. His skills in defying authority were legend. I never did find out if the senior staff assigned him to me by accident or design but 20 years large in my consciousness as a great teacher.
In teacher school, one of the management techniques I had learned when a student was misbehaving was to simply put his or her name on the board. I was to do this quietly without talking. Each time the student misbehaved I added a check. Each check added up to five minutes of detention. When I put Jessie's name on the board he immediately asked what it was for. I calmly replied that it meant five minutes detention. He just laughed. I added another check. He replied with an insult. This process continued for the rest of the class. By the end of the school day Jessie had accumulated several hours of detention.
When the rest of the students had filed out for the day, Jessie remained and continued to insult me. I continued to add check marks. He just laughed and finally said that he was in prison on an island; what did detention mean to him? I stayed with Jessie in the classroom until nearly dinnertime. Eventually somebody in the main lodge must have become curious about Jessie and me. One of the counseling staff entered the classroom, took one look at the chalkboard and suppressed a laugh. Being an experienced counselor he found a graceful way out of the situation for both Jessie and me. My education began.
I had committed a grave mistake for which I was immediately remorseful. I had allowed myself to engage in a power struggle with no easy way out. Although I had six years of college, a teaching certificate and two college degrees I realized that I had no practical skills for the career I was beginning, Try as they might, the academics did not prepare me for the incredible range of human behavior I would encounter.