What Jeff Eats for Lunch
I am halfway through my home made nori roll when a teacher asks me in a sardonic tone
“Is there meat in that lunch?”
“No”
“What’s in it?”
I peer inside my nori*roll because I can’t quite remember. After all I put it together at 6:30 in the morning and it’s nearly noon now.
“Well, let’s see, rice, grated carrots, sautéed ginger, feta cheese, raisins and green onions.”
“What’s it wrapped in?”
“Nori”
“What’s nori?’
“It’s a type of seaweed. It’s that pale green stuff you see floating on the shore.”
“Oh my God! You eat seaweed?”
“Yep” (between savory crunchy satisfying bites)
“Do you eat any meat?”
“Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do. In fact tonight I’m making venison burgers from last fall’s buck.”
“You hunt?”
”Yes I do. I’ve been hunting since I was a kid”
“Do you hunt?
“No I don’t.”
“Do you eat meat?”
“Yes I do.”
“Have you ever hunted or butchered your own meat?”
“No”
“Well, I guess that’s just like a Republican: get somebody else to do the killing for you.”
“Hmmm. Good point”
That’s lunchroom banter. It’s fun, friendly and sometimes educational. Teachers and other staff banter back and forth on everything from politics to who won what major sports event the night before. I enjoy eating with the staff because it’s often my only point of adult contact throughout the day. Six hours with middle schoolers can leave me craving intelligent conversation. Because of my unusual roles within the school (I have been the drug and alcohol counselor and now on top of that I’m the school health coordinator) I often elicit a different type of conversation. Teachers and other staff in the past chose lunch time to refer a troubled student and now they ask questions about what I am eating and other health issues. Sometimes they treat me like a priest. When they see me they feel they need to confess. I am updated without seeking it out on who’s quit smoking, who’s lost weight and whatever guilty pleasures they’ve either quit or recently indulged in.
Because I have long hair and teach yoga some often make the mistake that I must be an anti-gun vegetarian. On the contrary, I love meat and eat a lot of it. It’s just that I take responsibility for my own meat. I often look my dinner right in the eye. Of all the diets I have researched, the paleo diet* makes the most sense. Eating like our ancestors did seems to make makes me thrive. Lean, preferably wild meat, fruits in season, greens, roots and nuts is what I thrive on
Of course I get teased a little bit about what I eat. When I don’t have nori, I might wrap my vegetables in a cabbage or kale leaves. I might have dirty rice (venison burger, brown rice and greens, preferably spinach) from the night before with homemade salsa. I usually eat fruit. Sometimes I will be slicing up feral apples
with my Swiss Army knife.
I probably make an easy target for humor in these conservative Eastern Washington towns.
Occasionally when I get pushed a little too far or teased a little too much I have what has become my standard response:
“Well Paul, you know one thing I have noticed about people who make fun of my food?”
“No, what?”
“They’re usually overweight.”
“Hmmm, good point”
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